Having a family life in 2020 is a bit different from years past. This year has been WROUGHT with challenges, difficulties and more ...for all humans (not for me in particular).
For my family...up until mid March when we were affected by the Coronavirus Pandemic worldwide, life was fairly uneventful. We had moved into our new house in November of the prior year, celebrated Thanksgiving, my daughter turning 18 years old, Christmas, New Years and my Husband's Birthday. My daughter had numerous Jazz competitions and performances and my son happily gained friends and tried new activities, most notably his new PS4. My husband had been tinkering happily in his new spaces here at the house, including his garage. He has wanted a garage for a very long time. The garage is currently over-run with the leftover items of our past, which we hurriedly brought home in February from our storage unit. The items seemed old and outdated as we gathered them from the back corner of the storage square...alas we needed to haul everything to the new place before we could begin the demanding process that is deciding what fits in our life now and what should be discarded or re-homed.
Where did it all come from? Jamie's home when I met him was the epicenter of his Mother's collected belongings over the years. When we combined households, we found that we needed that storage space. That was in 2016. So most of these items had been forgotten for the past 4 years. During those four years, we lived in my apartment as newlyweds. It was a time of learning how to gel as a family. Blending families (or in our case, Jamie assimilating into an already existing family), is not simple. We had a great amount of difficulty with it. The process nearly destroyed us, my marriage, my relationship with the children- all of it. I was pushed to the point of resentment toward him and the kids. I hated being the one in the middle of all of the conflict. If I had not married Jamie, the problems with the kids would not exist. But also the good things that came from our combining our lives...those too would not exist. The opportunities to overcome seemingly insurmountable differences? Those would not happen. The maturity that comes from this level of demands upon a person is a gift that I would not trade for all of the world.
I am proud of the shit I have gone through to get here.
That may sound weird to other people but it makes perfect sense to me.
So this pandemic happened...it hit the United States and began to impact our schools and jobs right around March 13th 2020. Like I said, up until then, uneventful. We were staring down the barrel of Senior Year for Annika- and her college in the future. We were looking forward to the concerts, dances and proms. There were going to be special events for the graduating class...oh, and Graduation day! All of these things have disappeared. They have all been postponed indefinitely. We were suddenly one day just in the position of grappling to understand what to do with the broken dreams and lost hopes. The alternative to Sheltering in place and avoiding group settings like school, work or concerts...was to risk the well being and safety of our overworked medical professionals and hospital staff...risk people's lives. It's clear that we all just needed to adapt.
A week after the children were sent home from school on an indefinite future of remote-schooling, I too was sent home with my computer and work. I had to set up a new remote office in my dining room.
My son had his school chrome-book and a desk in his bedroom. My daughter had her chrome-book and a desk in her bedroom. At my insistence, my husband had assembled his desk in our living room this past winter...a decision that has proven itself to be ideal under these current circumstances. His work has suspended courses and non-essential employees (Brown University). He is home WITH pay but not working. This allows him time to work on the garage and lawn/yard projects as well as his part time job at Lowe's which has not closed.
So our lives have swung in a very new direction. The children and I used to be up and out the door at 6:15am to commute to school and work, returning often late after therapy appointments, practices and music lessons, and errands for family members. My husband's long work days and second job often meant that we passes one another on the way to or from home...sometimes right at the driveway. We were rarely in the same place at the same time for long. These days, my husband is up first. He makes my coffee and I stumble to my desk in pajamas at 7:30 to log into my company server and check emails, voicemails and the like. By the time I have drank a full cup of coffee, I have managed to log into all of my sites and receive most updates. By this time, I can usually hear the soft mumble of my daughter meeting up with classmates on Google Hangouts. The local news is on in the living room as my husband listens in while munching his morning cereal. Within an hour he will be softly snoring as our days get off to a full start. My son awakens last but gets right to his studies with a bit of something to drink and off to his room with his headphones on.
By midday the house is pretty loud with the sound of meets online for school, voicemails and group meetings from my corner and the general hum of lots of activity. When 4pm hits, my workday ends and the kids are done with school. It is still sunny for a while longer so we all go outside to do some yard work. There is a lot to do.
Many of our neighbors are out walking up and down the large Boulevard in front of our House. People stroll casually through the Historic cemetery that sits beside our property. It's easy to carry on cordial chit chat from a safe distance with these nice passers by. An odd feeling of belonging to this new community settles in. The fresh air and yardwork feel so good after the cooped up workday indoors. As darkness settles, we head in for dinner...something we enjoy all together. Usually I cook. Someone will help ocassionally but it also makes me happy to hear people playing and gabbing with friends or laughing at a tv show while I prepare a meal. Keeping our former schedule helps things feel normal.
Getting supplies falls to my husband as we have decided it is best to have one runner...less chance of bringing Covid-19 into our little circle.
I feel it has made us all more tuned in and kinder to one another. Our family is so much stronger than my kids give it credit for...I wish they could see it from my vantage point. We are so very good...so very good right now.
Namaste
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