End of 2020 Update

 It seems a good integer to provide an update of 2020 as we approach January 2021.  This past year started off as a normal(ish) year- the first quarter anyway.  But as that first quarter drew to a close, the United States was affected by Covid-19.  I remember it being around my husband's birthday mid-March that the kids were sent home from school and our jobs closed.  I was sent home to perform my Property Manager's duties from home and in another state.  My husband's lab was closed until mid-summer.  By May, I moved to a new company in Rhode Island and worked on the site.  This was working out great until late August when it became apparent that my 12-year old son's school was not opening in-person but rather would have the kids schooling remotely from home.  This was a level of autonomy for which my son was not capable of achieving, and put me in a pickle with my new workplace.

Meanwhile, my daughter had no senior year of high school, a remote "graduation ceremony" and then was about to start college online.  She despised every minute of it and I empathize.  What a year for her.  By December, she had decided to postpone freshman year for a time when she can go to the school in person. She continued to work at her job for approximately 28 hours a week and is saving her money for a better time to use it.

I was in the position where I needed to make a change with my son's education on the line.  I found out from my employer that I was eligible for a government program called FFRA (Families First Relief Act).  I decided I would take advantage of the opportunity and so took a leave of absence from work to stay home with Alex and lead his schooling.  I received an incredible amount of support in doing this from all parties involved.  The school, my son, the two dads, the therapist, my family and friends- all did what they could do be a part of improving the situation, even if only as cheerleaders and emotional support.  Alex did prosper with assistance.  

Unfortunately, as Thanksgiving approached here in Rhode Island, the Covid-19 numbers began to spike.  More and more cases of Covid-positives were published.  More of our friends fell sick.  Some died.  It was awful.  In addition to Covid-19, other illnesses common to people were prevalent, for example our aunt had a heart attack on Thanksgiving day.  So many people dealing with so much.  My children's dad tested positive for Covid-19 although he was asymptomatic.  This resulted in my son and his father being in quarantined for three weeks which was the most awful experience for me.  We hosted Aunt Jean's granddaughter during that time for one week, allowing her to have a visit with her grandmother who's health has been rocky these past few months.  On 12/23/2020 my son was finally able to return home.  Christmas felt like a blur...as if all of the pressures and stresses of the past few months just landed on me.  I have been feeling ill for about a week now and not sure what the source.

So where does this leave us all?

Jamie seems happy at his work.  He has friends and hobbies and a pretty decent life.  He has a large garage, auto projects and pretty much anything he wants.  Annika works a part time job and has a nice space to enjoy her creative hobbies with.  She doesn't have a social life because of the shutdown of group activities and school, but she manages to keep herself busy.  Alex enjoys his downtime to play video games online with friends and chat with them while exploring their Minecraft worlds and such.  I have been spending more time in my Home Studio, attempting to refine the space.  It always feels that the needs of may family keep me from getting to it. Also, my FFRA benefits ended at Christmas.  My job wanted me to come back on 12/28/2020 but not only does my son continue to need me, the three weeks of Covd Quarantine have set him back SO FAR, that upon his arrival home, school was coming to a close and would pick up again while I would be back in my high stress job.  So it was a no-go.

I applied for unemployment benefits and began applying to new jobs...hopeful that I will find one where I can have flexibility or work second shift.  Anything that offers me some wiggle room would help.  The holidays have been a blur.  So I do apply to Property Manager opportunities as well as other office jobs.  I also apply for teaching and childcare and elder-care as well as Part-time retail jobs.  Honestly, ideally...I should stay home and collect until school is back to normal.  At least we can pay our mortgage!  I am sure that some people out there are struggling too much to do that.

All in all, it is hard to follow the Covid standards but we do what we can.  With 2021 on the horizon, the best thing we can hope for is that by this time next year we will be back to roaming the malls and going to concerts in crowded stadiums, hosting parties and visiting family without masks.  But for now...it's still time to keep those plans on hold until a future time when it is safer and encouraged by the CDC.  In other news- a new president comes on in two weeks and that is a regime change.  I am eager to see what that brings.  Mid-January will see Annika back to work, Alex back to school and Jamie back to his work following their annual closures.  As for me...the future is yet to be written.

~Namaste

Lilac

Re-emergence of purpose

Having Purpose is one thing.  Finding Purpose is another.  But becoming broken and then rebuilding yourself all over again, sometimes more than one time.  That is powerful.

Why does this make me think of Dr Strange and Dormamu? 

At some point, your soul just tells you what you need to do and whether it benefits your current existence or threatens it, you just know what you must do.

Sometimes you open a doorway that you did not know what it would lead to.  Sometimes the doorway is open so that you can find your way forward through the open door.  Other times, it is to allow another to come in to your side of the doorway.  Which one applies to you as you re-emerge from the broken?

Re-emergence of purpose means that you have had a purposeful existence before and will again...but that right now you have gone into what I like to call "Hermit-mode".  The hermit pauses his life and goes on a journey (outwardly or inwardly) to examine his choices and where life has landed him. The hermit has experienced some things in life- some pain and suffering and also some heartbreak.  The hermit has not quit.  But he must re-invent himself.  Today I learn from the hermit on his journey.

For those who know me, you may understand that the Hermit is a Tarot Card from the major Arcana of the Tarot deck.  His meaning resembles that which I have mentioned above.  So when I say that I am learning from the Hermit, I am saying that this is the phase of life that I feel I am in and for the reasons listed above.  All stages of life are represented in the Tarot and all are temporary. The importance of the Tarot in our lives will only match one's instinct that more information or guidance are needed. The Tarot are one method for communing with our Spirit's Guides in this lifetime.  Whether we accept it or not, we are being watched over and guided and there is a destiny path.

I have recently had the opportunity to feel the power of the Tarot through the eyes of a fresh newcomer who has no experience with it.  The opportunity to see the understanding come through with each moment of understanding, each thoughtful question...has been like my own rebirth.  I am convinced (where once I felt lost), that I am useful and what I have to offer has value. I just could not see it because those around me on a regular basis are not a clear reflection of my being.  That is ok!  There is nothing to be critical of in that statement...just the knowledge that I am somewhat alone on this journey...but never actually alone.  I realized others need to hear these messages.  I am determined more than ever to share them.

Thank you to this Angel, this light-worker who helped me to re-emerge in my faith.

I am so thankful.  Bless Goddess, and all the beings of light.

~Namaste

Lilac

NOVEMBER 2020- Mercury Direct

 Good morning Wisdom Lovers!!!

 Mercury is out of Retrograde and has gone Direct!

 Shortly after the retrograde, we finally saw some election results.  It looks like a change of "House Colors"- that is a little Harry Potter reference.  But seriously, it looks like Joe Biden is unseating the administration of Donald Trump.  Trump is making a scene and it is ugly.  I do hate politics, but that is the report as I see it.

So November 2020 has been a MONTH to remember so far.  Our Covid 19 numbers are beginning a FAST incline her in RI.  It is TROUBLING to say the least.  Schools should NOT have gone back in person- just my opinion.  

Our Governor ( Gina Raimondo) criticized the Warwick Schools for not coming up with a plan in September to return to the school buildings.  However, I feel that Warwick got it right.  They decided to put a vote to whether we can afford to update the air quality systems before we send people to these antiquated learning environments during a Worldwide Health Pandemic that primarily affects the lungs.  So now that it is September and hindsight is 20/20 on this issue, we are seeing other school departments throughout the state (Cranston as of today), going fully remote- changing the system halfway through the 1st semester.  That is a nightmare for these teachers and the students and families too.

As for me and my house, we are sound as can be.  I am on a leave of absence from my job.  My husband is back to working his 1.5 jobs carefully and with regular COVID-19 testing (weekly by Brown University. Annika was attending RIC remotely and is still working 4 days a week at the bakery near our house.  Staying within our smaller community has been one way we are doing our part to manage our risk of contracting COVID.  Alex is home daily with schooling and sees his father every other weekend.  His father, due to his work with the elderly, is also being cautious.  They stay home most of the time.

This week, additionally to our usual things, Annika had all 4 of her Wisdom Teeth removed in a small outpatient surgery.  Her recovery (3 days in now) has been slow owing to her partially impacted lower teeth and her TMJ.  Today I am working by lamplight in the kitchen, as we have her sleeping in the Recliner in the living room.  

Alex has moved his online schooling for today and tomorrow into his bedroom to give her more time to rest.  I am proud of Annika for living by her convictions and refusing narcotics for pain.  She refused to fill the Vicadin script, and is using OTC pain killers instead.  She has had a lot of difficulty but feels good about her decision.  She has concerns about the Opioide crisis affecting millions of Americans.  It has hit so close to home for her that she prefers to stay very far from it.

Mercury going out of Retrograde, following the 2nd Full (New) moon in October 2020 which occurred (on HALLOWEEN!), has marked the change in tides for me.  In addition to the global energy shift that it was, which I can feel but it is hard to explain it, I am also embarking on a new journey of my own.  Although it would be hard to define this journey, I can tell you about how my perception of life has shifted while the global perspective has shifted.

For me personally, I am on my 4th week of being on Leave from my job as an Assistant Property Manager- a position I have only held for about 4 months prior to Leave. The time that this change has allowed me, I have used mainly to write about the journey my son and I have been on.  This time has also allowed alot of wounds and traumas to come to the surface of my consciousness.  There have been dreams, conversations with psychics, things I have read, intuitive knowings arising from the quietness of meditation, of which I have had much more time in.  I guess that what I am describing is just revelations about myself that I have been able to recognize now that I am not so "Busy" all of the time.

Yesterday, Alex and I made Vision Boards.  Mine is not glued down yet because I like to take days and days to review mine before I commit to it.  For me, a Vision Board is a contract that I make with the universe.  Once those ideas/pictures/words are glued down, I KNOW with certainty that I have spoken (This is the way).  So I like my message to be crystal clear.  But yesterday, while browsing magazines at Barnes and Nobles, and choosing which ones to buy, and then browsing at home and cutting and shaping and finding the right words....all of these hours spent, I had many realizations.  These would be the culminations of previous ruminations and not "all at once" realizations.  I want to CREATE something tangible with my own hands.  I have never had that desire before.

I recognize this feeling of readiness as a sign from the universe that I CAN and SHOULD do it...do all of it.  

Life is fleeting after all!  

I believe that we come back eventually in a new form, but in this lifetime that we are currently experiencing, why not try the things that scare us or reach for the seemingly unattainable goal?  On a deep level, I am just a dude sipping tea and watching the earthlings scramble about fretting over everything while I just know that all is well and good in the universe and there is nothing to fear.  That is who I am at my most deepest and centralized person.  I am that level of calm.  But all of life's adaptations that I have dressed myself in, all the masks...all of the layers of responsibilities that I have adorned myself with...these cause the fears and anxieties to be the most prominent and on the surface.  Fortunately, they are all just surface debris, which I can discard when ready.  The question becomes, when will I be ready?  The answer is "now".  Can someone please shut off my brain so I can live with this answer?

Herein lies the real struggle: 

How to live your ideals in a world that shuts down your ideals and dreams.

If you are asking that question as I am asking it, at least you can know that you are not the only one asking!  Asking for help from your Spiritual Guides/Angels is a good first start.  Looking into your own heart for answers to what you want on a deep level is another.  But you must journey to depths that will hurt you in order to get your answer.  I will use another Harry Potter reference to illustrate:

When Harry, in Goblet of Fire, needs to rescue his friends from the mermaids in the lake, he must fearlessly travel to the depths of the lake.  He does not know what he will find there along with those he loves.  There can be many dangers, and since we breathe air, the watery depths can be terrifying to navigate.  But what choice does he have?  He MUST take the journey...for the lives of those he loves depends upon it.

We must risk our lives to travel to our own depths and discover what is there.  For some of us, I believe most of us- this will mean finding our inner child and asking him/her what it is she/he wants most.  Ask that child what they knew once...what they hid away from their conscious knowing, but what they knew as a child.  What was it?  Whatever that thing is could very well be the answer.  But there will be many barriers in the shape of painful memories, the urge to deny your inner child in order to satisfy the desires of the "real world", the pressures of society to "fit in".  What will you choose?

I have been taking this dive into my own watery depths.  What I am finding is that I hold a lot of judgement upon myself- judgement for not being better, doing better, accomplishing more.  I am very intelligent, why did I not push myself for higher educational goals?  Why did I get so wrapped up in other people's issues and let it hold me back for years and years?  Why did I not acknowledge and face the pain in my childhood sooner so I could set myself free of it?  So...MANY..."Why's".  So few answers.  Why did I adamantly refuse to grieve, recover, move forward...  Why did I stay stuck?  Why was I addicted to chaos, drama, control and being controlled?  I see so much negativity in my past.  I WANT TO CUT LOOSE FROM IT.  

What I have learned, as I have been making this journey of self-realization since around 2008/2009 to now, is that I want to help others get there too.  I want to teach people what I know, and see them get results too.  I HAVE gotten results aplenty.  I just cannot see it because I keep "Thinking" about what I feel I have NOT done correctly.  I keep staring deeply into the lint inside the cavity of my belly button... and that is all I see!  I see only the tiny piece that is less than perfect instead of the entire cosmos of beauty and success that my life ACTUALLY is.  Shame on me for being so self-deprecating.  What a waste of the LIGHT that is there.  Time to stop "wasting light" as it were.  Time to get started on a brighter future.

It is hard to break patterns and to escape stale mindsets.  But since I now can see that I have in the past done this, repeatedly and successfully, I can teach others how to do it.  This is my purpose.  To live a life that I am proud of, that keeps asking me to go deeper and learn more and be better- and to teach others to do this also.  That seemed easy.

Now there is work to do.  Who's coming with me?

~Namaste

Lilac

Leo November Tarot Reading

TAROT READING

LEO

NOVEMBER 2020

Hi everyone! 

I am going to try something new. 

Oh yes- I am a Leo and a fixed sign energy, I am.  And yet, here I go trying NEW THINGS in a big way!

Video blogging (Vlogging), is not the only way to share a great Tarot/Divination message with you all, so I am going to try just blogging it!

This idea is arising out of necessity, since I find myself having a bit of time where I can channel, but no opportunity to get in front of a camera and not a lot of privacy.  However, channeling and then documenting it is something I can do even with limited privacy!  You see, for the next few months, I am focusing on my son’s Home-Schooling.  It is another NEW ADVENTURE!

So for each of the 12 SIGNS of the Zodiac, I will create a written version of your Sign’s Reading for the month.

~Namaste

AngelMarie

This will be an ellipse spread:

PAST: Five Swords (Reversed)

In the past, you had no way to win- in fact, no one would win if they got into words with you Leo!  Maybe you were hot tempered, argumentative...or maybe you just had no desire to fight at all.  But one thing is for sure:  Even if you win, you would lose. You lost friends, you lost family.  You lost respect for people and maybe even they for you!  It’s a good thing that is in the past!

NOW: Two Wands

Unlike those more audacious years of life when things were a struggle and a battle, you and someone special have managed to find a way to stabilize things.  Nowadays, the troubles do seem to be more upon other people’s shores...and yet you are longing for something (not exactly satisfied with what you have created).  Although you have navigated away from the battles of yesteryear, you have arrived at what could be seen as a deadening silence!  Wouldn’t an adventure be great right about now?

FUTURE: Two Cups

Fortune is smiling upon that desire you are holding deep within your heart- the one that urges you to see that like minded people are near and possibly LOVE too!  Traditionally, the Two Cups are a sign of finding one’s counterpart in another.  We know that sometimes it is love and sometimes it can also be companionship of any type.  But it is coming towards you.  Maybe it is a reward to you for holding everyone else together for so long!

WHAT TO DO: Death

No message could be any clearer Leo.  If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make the change!  Yes.  Yes I did in fact steal the lyrics from “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson, but how can you blame me?  It’s just too perfect...besides it what the guides gave me.  Music speaks to us of a universal understanding, as does Tarot.  The cards are saying that you must END or KILL or DIE to one thing so that you can have something new.

EXTERNAL INFLUENCES: Nine Cups 

A feeling that one is satisfied and that all you have been given, has been a blessing upon you!  Sometimes however, we get very easily comfortable with what we have and we stop asking ourselves what we truly want or desire.  Are we living toward that thing or that dream?  Or are we just protecting what we have already acquired?

HOPES AND DREAMS: Seven Cups (reversed)

A lot of progress was made on certain dreams...yet the dreams have been unfulfilling.  They did not produce as you thought or dreamed they would...why is that?  There was always potential.  Many times, different avenues of life were shown to you and many times you passed by without taking your chance at them.  Were they jobs?  Friendships?  Romances?  Money opportunities?  What about a chance to travel or impact the lives of other people in some way?  What stopped you?  Whatever stopped you is showing up in this position of the reading as a distraction.  If you want something else, you will need to go back to the Death card.  You are destined to repeat this pattern until you break it.

FINAL OUTCOME: The Hierophant (reversed)

Ah the Hierophant.  Major Arcana showing up as your final outcome, but it is reversed.  Not a bad thing- this just shows that you are getting ready to make a very non-traditional way of life for yourself.  What does that mean to you?  Are you leaving something that is “secure”?  Are you changing your beliefs?  Your Church?  Your hair?  Are you changing your gender identity?  Ending a long relationship?  What are you turning upside down?  One thing is certain...maybe not today or next month...but changes are destined to impact your life and you must take control of the situation.  Make these changes go how you desire.

Channeled reading

10/27/2020

Stories about Love: Episode 6

I took a walk through the cemetery today and around our property...to take in the warmth of a Fall day in New England and to smell the leaves that are crisply drying underfoot. The subtle breeze was a reminder that it is Fall but here in RI, it can still be very very warm at this time of year.  WE always dress in layers because you just never really know what the weather might be.  Living close to the bay, you also get more wind and fog than other areas of the state.  But today...today was just perfection.

My dog is getting older and his weak joints need a stretch.  His sniffer needs adventure and of course, he needs to relieve his bladder and all that.  He sniffs curiously against each tree we pass and lingers there.  There is a story of other dogs and people who have been here.  He pees on all of them to make sure he tells them that this is his turf after all- he lives in that house over yonder.

It's Mid-day and the sun is almost directly overhead.  We retire to our front porch after our slow, lazy stroll through the cemetery nearby.  Cloud lies down and I recline in my Adirondack chair, catching a few rays that peak between the massive branches above me.

We listen to the flow of the traffic nearby...living on a busy avenue means that we see many travelers pass through.  

The air is sweet with warmth and a soft ocean smell.  Alex is inside still working on a school project while Annika is online doing her weekly Therapy appointment.  I appreciate these moments to reconnect with nature.  Loving Nature and allowing Nature to love you back can really, truly inspire you!

 For example, our Hibiscus that was a gift to Annika upon her High School Graduation...it has two new FULL blooms!  Why?  It's late October already.  Why ask why?  Why not just accept what is?

Aside from the smells and the temperature and the breeze, there are colors everywhere to inspire us.  The trees at this time of year are so magical to admire!

Aside from the colors, there is the pattern upon the ground that falling leaves create...like Nature makes it's own canvas and just sprinkles art all over it.  My walkway is a source of inspiration for me...especially with leaves scattered amuck:

Falling in Love with Nature can HEAL YOU

Some people love to listen to rain or watch snow- or observe birds.  Other people are more tactile in their love of nature, choosing to walk barefoot over grass or through sand- or surfing waves.  Some people enjoy growing their own food so that when they partake of their food, they feel the connection to their land and also the fact that they grew and created this!  YOU are nature too...Loving yourself is loving nature.

I listen to PodCasts by Sadghuru, and other Yogi's and Taoists.  One I was listening to yesterday was amazing me because it was about restoring the Yin-Yang balance in each of our internal organs by loving our bodies as much as we love "What we do".  

In other words, you are a human being, not a human doing...despite the clear and obvious fact that our culture is WAY too obsessed with fast-paced, multitasking and money-making activities.  

I am repeating what they said...but believe me...I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree.

The very thought of how crucial each bodily function actually is in the wellness process, really got me thinking about our relationship with nature.  We need to be like the plants.  We need to exist not to force any outcome.  According to the podcast from yesterday....we need to achieve "flow".  Nature is all about flow.

What can we learn about Love by being more connected to nature?

1.     Just BE.

2.    DO less

3.    Seasons change

4.    Everything is as it should be

5.    It all has value

6.    It's all connected

7.  Take only what you need from it (discard the rest)

8.    flow

~Namaste

Lilac

Stories about Love: Episode 5

 

IF

You love

a child

(like I do)

Then this Episode of Stories on Love

will resonate.

Love for a child is so powerful...

It can make you crazy, or it can heal you.  Sometimes both in the same 30 minute span of time.

I have two pieces to this "Mom Heart".  One is called ALEX and the other is called ANI.  

Try as I might, I cannot ever disconnect my attachments as they are.  If you who are reading this are a parent then you too will understand the love that exists.  The question is, how do you explain it in words?  This Blog entry may end up being more poetry than prose.

Alex and Ani made me a Mother- well...ok, the first child makes you a mother.  The second and any that follow just give you more opportunities to practice what you have learned from the first.  But being a Parent or a Parental Figure in a child's life is so meaningful to the person they will become.  It is a piece of the development.  You know:  Nature and Nurture?  Some parents offer both, while others (like in the case of adoptive parents and absent parents), offer one but not the other.

For the sake of this article, I am speaking of ALL persons that influence the raising of a young person to be an adult.  This includes any type of guardian or step-parent or Foster Parent or even Mentors and Teachers.  

So in these instances, LOVE = BOND

In the case of how this kind of love affects us the person WE are is based on the BOND that we create with a mostly helpless undeveloped fellow human that depends on us.  This teaches us what WE are made of.

I definitely did not know myself before I had kids.  The first one came and it was mostly fun- I had a lot of help.  My daughter came into a house full of people that doted on her and adored her.  Her two sisters, their husbands (at the time maybe boyfriends, but they are still in our lives now), her father and many other family members.  Everyone adored her and she was the center of attention almost all of the time.

I relinquished many things to the decisions of my stepdaughters or Annika's dad.  I happily added my part and I thought everything was good...and it was...except that it wasn't.  I wasn't actually teaching my daughter any values, because I wasn't really in touch with what I valued.

By the time my second child came into the world, I was beginning to open up to what it meant to be a truly spiritual person.  I began slowly over the first few years of his life, to explore these places in my heart and mind and and to make changes.  Those changes took hold and I went in a very new direction.  My son's early childhood life was MUCH different from my daughter's.  He still had the adoring sisters and his father but he had a mother in a great deal of personal turmoil and painful transformation.  He eventually had a new stepdad.  So now TWO dads, who have completely different value systems from one another.

But nothing is impossible with LOVE because LOVE is basically MAGIC!

My children save me from hating myself.  I know that could be seen as a heavy burden...but it is a two-way street.  They give me value as a mother (not as a human...I had to find that separately).  I take the love I learned from this bond of mother and child, and I GIVE it to everyone I meet!

I become everyone's mother.  Because being a Mother was the FIRST time I really grasped what LOVE was.  No one bonded with me like that when I was a kid.  I don't know for sure what the early years of my life were like but those shadows will likely never have their chance in the sun.  Meaning I will never know.  And I have accepted this.

But my children WILL know...in fact, they are the reason I do all of this writing.  Someday, these stories will be my Legacy for them.  They WILL know themselves.  They WILL have ALL of the answers.  This is my version of love.  And I learned it from my children.

~Namaste

Lilac

Stories about Love: Episode 4

 Episode Four of my stories on love is about animals.  Some people will relate easily to love for animals, while others will not relate at all.  Loving animals is real love and should be talked about. In this Episode of my stories on love, I will tell you the stories of two special animals that changed my heart.

Animals, such as those that we have as common house pets:  dogs, cats, bird or fish:  can have an impact on us that is profound.  I bet you have never even given thought to the possibility that an animal can be a human's soulmate or Twin Flame.  Some people have trouble even accepting that humans often feel such a deep connection with their animals that they consider them just like family!  Remember the Disney cartoon Aristocats?  The cats were to inherit the fortune from their owner.  The Animals would  then become Masters of their house and the servants were jealous.  

I never had a pet that I was attached to until I got Lucy.  She was the greatest cat a person could have.  I was so sensitive to Lucy that when she passed away, I felt completely empty for months.  Our house was so quiet.  She was a simple animal...she was not particularly impressive as a cat.  She was scared of people and would hide a lot.  But sometimes she cuddled with me and purred loudly.  She played, and it was adorable.  There was just something so satisfying about her.  When she died, I was offered a replacement cat right away.  This didn't feel right to me, and so I chose to NOT replace Lucy.  Eventually, other animals replaced her, but I REALLY GRIEVED when we lost her.  I allowed myself to feel things I had not felt for people or animals before...I let myself be sad.  Was this the whole reason that Lucy had come into my life in the first place?

Another animal that changed my views on love was a dog.  Her name was Cadence.  Cadence was a beautiful and active dog, who found trouble everywhere she went.  I had significant difficulty understanding her.  She was problematic, caused many moments of absolutely life altering frustrations, and nearly tore my family apart!  Cadence started to fail due to age...but it happened slowly enough that our anger and frustration at her constant troublemaking, turned to pity and then sorrow as we watched her life change dramatically.  Suddenly, she was slow and unable to get into her usual troubles.  She began to mellow out due to no longer having that same amount of fight in her.  When it was time to say goodbye, it was utterly heartbreaking for all of us.

Some people will be able to relate to this having had a pet of their own that they lost.

So what do we learn from this type of love?

1.    Deep love can exist between a person and an animal the same as it can between two adults romantically or a parent and a child.  Animals have a soul and a spirit, and that essence causes a bond to grow.  Just like any other feelings of love, they can deepen over time. But Love is not just the feelings of affection and desire.  Love is a bond.

2.    An Animal CAN be your Soulmate or Twin Flame.  One must first understand what a Twin Flame is before understanding how an animal can be that to a person.  I would venture that it is rare but not unheard-of. A TF comes to your life to teach you to see your truth, live your purpose.  A TF awakens you!  Why can't an animal be one?

3.    Love is NOT just a feeling of affection.  It is a deep desire to serve.  A pet or an animal, energetically needs a human to provide for it (if it is a domesticated animal).  The needs to care for this animal can be truly healing.  It is not to be underestimated!

I hope that this will resonate with some people out there.

Namaste~

Lilac

Stories about Love: Episode 3

 Episode Three in my written series about Love and how love has changed me, is about my husband.  I cannot hide that it is my husband so hopefully I can do justice to the relationship.

In every person's life there comes a time to make a choice on one person and to make a life together.  Actually...is that even true?  Maybe it's not this way for EVERY person...but for those who seek and find love and want marriage and families, then it is definitely a part of their journey.

My marriage journey began in 2016 when against all odds, I married my best friend Jamie.  I won't be changing his name for privacy because, well...there is no privacy!  

Of all of my Episodes of Love, the Marriage relationship is by far the most important one.  You see, before and then during a marriage, there is work.  This is the part that most romantics will not enjoy...and I spent my life as a hopeless romantic...chasing people, chasing feelings, being swayed every which way.  Facing disappointments and sadness all the time.  In an ironic twist, at the tail end of a year of life-coaching, I concluded with marrying Jamie.  We had gone around and around on it for years.  We finally tied the knot.

Episode three has a fairly simple message: 

1.    FEAR of allowing another person to love you and truly know you and really be there for you, will prevent you from experiencing Real Love.  At some point, you take the leap and you trust that your partner means what they say and that they act out their truth.  In short, you have to trust that your Lover, loves themselves!

2.    I knew that I needed to marry Jamie and so I did.  We were both certain that this was our destiny.  Together we form a complete protein!  Neither one of us is somehow incomplete without the other.  We are both capable of taking care of our own selves with or without the other person.  But together, we saw that we were stronger.

3.    Learning and Growth happen within a marriage.  It was not entirely clear at the time that we married one another, what we would grow to learn together as a couple and as a family...but those lessons most assuredly presented themselves.  Some of those lessons nearly destroyed us as a couple.  But it didn't.  We got stronger as we learned to overcome and push through and find our ways back to one another.

4.    Love endures.  If you think you cannot go through the worst of the worst with a partner and survive, I think it's not true.  I think you can.  You can exercise love like a muscle.  It is alive after all.  Give people room to show you what is in their hearts.  Give it time to grow.

I hope Episode Three's lesson on marriage gives you hope if yours is in a dark place.  Not everyone should stay married, but everyone should recognize what kind of a marriage they are in and check in with themselves about how they are doing.

~Namaste

Lilac

Stories about Love: Episode 2

 I really enjoyed writing my first Episode in the Series about Love.  I am excited to tell you the next story because it changed me so much.  This story is about my Twin Flame (I think).  I say that because learning about Twin connections came from my relationship with this person.  

Episode Two

I never believed in the idea of One perfect Soul Match in love.  I came to discover this idea first when I was in high school.  I was an avid reader back then and I discovered Plato's theory of Split-Aparts.  New Age Spiritualists call this "Twin Flames".  Whatever it is called, I never believed in it, until I experienced it.

I met Beck when I was very young- I think I was about 18 years old.  I remember him being mysterious and interesting.  He was plenty handsome.  I think a lot of my friends were into him.  He was not my type (I thought back then)...I did not see us as having anything in common.  We never dated, just had the same circle of friends.

Many years later, I reconnected with Beck when he reached out to me to discuss a business opportunity.  Maybe I was flattered to be remembered, or maybe I was just interested in learning something new, but I responded affirmatively and so our two families made a connection.  I enjoyed his wife's company and our children would play together.  The only thing that I felt that was different from many years having passed, was that I felt a connection to him that I did not feel to his wife nor to other people in the organization.  It wasn't like I felt attraction, because it wasn't actually attraction (not at first anyway).  It was something more but I could not place it.

A year or more passed before the revelation of what I was feeling made itself very clear to me.  I was working on a project for our group collaboration.  I was working alongside Beck's wife, and I was sitting at his desk in his office when I felt if hit me like lightning.  A sudden flash of information seemed to download into my mind (through my crown chakra).  At the time that this happened, I could not have told you what a Crown Chakra was, or an Awakening, or a Spiritual Download.  In fact, I did not know what was happening or why I suddenly knew what I knew...I just did.

So what I suddenly knew was that this man Beck was my twin.  What did it mean though?  I saw that he reflected back to me all that I am (was)... and that we were the same.  I was so completely confused because up until that point, I did not even feel an attraction to him beyond friendship.  So what is a Twin Flame?  And more importantly...was Beck REALLY my Twin Flame?  and also...Beck is married so why would someone married be my Twin Flame?

I had no idea at the time, why I was drawn to this person.  Later I watched him transform his situation, allowing himself to grow into a different and more spiritually free person.  He eventually broke away from the marriage that he was in, later remarrying.  We never did get into a relationship with one another, but we talked about the spiritual awakening and what it had meant to us, how it changed us, what the value of that kind of a transformation was.

What did I learn from my Twin Flame Awakening about Love?

1.     Love doesn't care what time it is- who is married or single-if you are gay or straight...Love is Timeless.  Love is fluid.  I had no idea that I was even attracted to Beck until the download.  Suddenly I saw how similar we were.  We were both experiencing a free flow of love and were being swept up in a wave that was about to propel us both forward.

2.    My relationship with my Twin Flame was going to be the catalyst that would bring huge change into my world and bring me alive again.  That is the purpose of a Twin Flame Love.  

3.    I was going to learn everything I needed to know about love now because this doorway to spirit was now open.  The funny part is, the journey was not a journey of duality, or of unification.  The journey is to greater love for your own self, which deepens the love your Twin experiences with or without you.

4.    Beck may or may not have been my true Twin Flame.  He may have just been the first of many people who would come into my life and show me that love has very few defined borders.  Like water, love wants to flow freely.

Episode Two Lesson on love:

Give love freely.  

Love has it's own energy, it's own direction.  

It cannot be easily tamed nor defined.  

It does not play by the rules of society.  

Love just exists.

~Namaste

Lilac

Stories about LOVE. Episode one

 I have decided to tell my stories about Love...one by one.  Each story will have a goal and that goal is to teach whomever is reading it, a lesson about love.

Episode One

Sometimes falling in love happens at inconvenient times...like when you are already in a relationship, but you meet someone that turns your world on its side.  For example, when I met Daniel.  Daniel and I hit it off right away.  We both had other relationships and obligations to focus on in life but were at the same place emotionally and mentally and also physically (meaning that we were together on a regular basis).  There is something to be said about being in a person's day to day life.  It seems to always lead to strong personal relationships...unless you really do not like one another at all!  But Daniel and I were both very focused on why we were there.  We both had goals and many things happening in our lives, and yet...there was a connection made between us, and it felt stronger than just friendship.

Neither Daniel nor myself had given any thought to changing our direction in life at the time that we met...nor the years that followed.  But after several years of a peaceful coexistence, it started to become clear that Daniel and I had an easiness about being around each other.  We had similar views and opinions.  We never argued.  We had the same sort of temperment as one another- neither of us particularly extrovert nor introvert.  We enjoyed the same foods and could sit quietly in each other's presence without feeling the need to break the silence.  We both had a gentleness and a way of getting people to talk to us about themselves and then genuinely caring about the other person's story.

Daniel had been married for a long time,  I suppose from a very young age.  From the outside, his marriage looked perfect.  Nothing can interfere with a healthy marriage, right?  My relationship was at a point where it could end or not end and I had lost feelings there for what would happen.  I started to form an attachment to Daniel because of all of the things I described above.  I felt that he was worthy of admiration and was very pleasant.  He was also very handsome.  I felt strongly attracted to Daniel physically.  I felt like I knew him...from the moment we had first met I had the feeling of knowing him deeply.  Over the years, I gave it very little thought.  However, in the looming ending of my existing love relationship, Daniel came to mind more and more.  I found myself comparing other potential partners to him, and they did not measure up.  I had him on a pedestal.

I was afraid of how Daniel would respond if I ever brought up the idea that I was attracted to him...or the idea that I thought it might be mutual!  After all, he seemed (to anyone who was watching)to be a happily married man.  I decided one day that I just needed to tell him how I felt and ask him if it was just me alone feeling like there was something between us.  His answer came in a long passionate kiss that he planted on me suddenly.  The kiss went on and on, unapologetically.  It was not just me that felt this attraction.  Anyone could suggest that this was just infatuation but we were not teenagers.  This was not some puppy love.  We knew each other well- we knew nearly everything of importance there was to know about one another.  This was love.

Alas, it was not meant to be.  

Daniel was not going to disrupt his life, his marriage and his home.  He acknowledged that the feelings of connectedness were real, and that he had felt them for probably as long as I had- also maybe from the first time we met also.  But none of these similarities in our situations were going to cause Daniel to take action toward any type of partnership with me. In fact, he decided that his behavior had been inappropriate, and he stopped talking to me at all for years.  He cut me off completely.  The emptiness was so painful that it felt like he had died, and I was left to grieve that loss.

So was this actually love then?  I guess I was wrong about what love was. I had decided that it was not just attraction or infatuation.  It was also not just friendship.  So what happened between Daniel and me? After a while, Daniel reached out and tried to see if I might stay in his life, but secretly.  Perhaps our relationship would be about secret meetings to kiss or be more physical...but nothing of substance, because he was married after all.  His wife could not know.  To make it even worse, the affect I had on Daniel was so dramatic that although we did meet secretly a few times, he cut it off yet again because his wife could sense him being different and he was afraid we would be discovered.  If we were, he would lose everything he had built in his life that was so important to him.

So...were Daniel and I ever actually in love?  If it was not love, then what was it?  I cannot speak for Daniel, but I know that when I realized what HE meant to me...how HE made me feel...I was forever changed and altered by it.  I believe he was too, but I have no way of knowing because Daniel could never truly open up and be real with me about what he felt or wanted.  I had believed that we were in love, maybe star crossed lovers.  But what did he think of us?

I may never know what Daniel truly felt.  But let's examine what this story taught me about love.

1.     Love is NOT about what you feel.  Feelings are an important part of Love.  But they do NOT define what IS love and what is not love.  In the case of Daniel and I, there were certainly feelings on both sides of the aisle.  What was missing was not feelings.  It was the ability to act on them.  Daniel needed to follow his heart.  His heart was with his marriage.  it was not for me to decide whether or not it SHOULD be with his marriage...only Daniel could decide that.

2.    When you love someone, there WILL be powerful feelings.  Does this mean that what I said in number one is wrong?  I said that love is not ABOUT what you feel...we are capable of choosing our feelings.  We cannot be led around by our emotional responses on matters, or we will suffer constantly!  Learning to manage our emotions is an act of maturity.  If I stepped back far enough...and I did...I could see that my attachment to Daniel was causing me to suffer tremendously.  I was CHOOSING to suffer.  I was not accepting the situations as they were, but rather insisting that I stay in the emotions of a possible future with Daniel.  In my mind, somewhere in time, there existed a scenario where Daniel and I could be lovers, partners...be together always.  But this place of fantasy caused me a lot of sorrow because I was SO attached to that outcome.  I was giving away ALL of my happiness in the here and now, to linger in the possibility of an uncertain future.  This happens to a lot of people at some point in their lives.

3.    You cannot truly love another person, unless you love yourself first.  Don't you absolutely hate hearing this?  Me too.  Unfortunately, it's the truth.  You can absolutely FEEL love for another person...you can want them, desire them, even crave them.  But LOVE is not about any of those things.  You see, love is perfection.  It is not lacking anything at all.  It is pure.  TRUE love doesn't want or need anything from the other person at all.  It just exists.  So when people tell you that you need to love yourself first, before you can love another person, this is what they mean:  PUT yourself first (your needs, your health, your happiness).  When you live a life that reflects that you can do these things, then you have learned to LOVE YOU enough to then bring another person into that relationship.  Your first priority in love..my dear friend...is to love yourself.

Episode One's lesson:  NOT loving yourself first, will break your heart every time.

~Namaste

Lilac

GlamSimple speaks...about Love

 Love.

The greatest power on earth, right?

The perfect experience.

A feeling.

A while back I used to write about love.  It was the thing that brought me back to life and back from darkness, and brought me back to the world.  The writing about love...not the love itself.  I know that sounds weird because one would likely believe that being in love or finding love is what brings a person out of darkness...but this was not to be, in my case.  It was most definitely the idea of love that saved my life.

In time, the writing about love caused within me, an awakening- an evolution.  It was a "call to action".  You see, when you deeply believe in something, you are moved to act on it and to change what you are doing with your life, in terms of your overall direction and focus.  In my story, this equated to living a life of love, for love, with love, in love.  In order to become that person, I would need to leave behind what I was at the time.  I had to try something new.  I needed to trust in the possibility of a completely different future.

You see, I had learned the truth about love and relationships.  I learned it by studying love, by studying scholars and poetry and by receiving divine wisdom about soulmates and karmic relationships and Twin Flames and so many other types of relationships.  I discovered the "connectedness" that the ideals of love and relationships share even when they cross boundaries of cultures and religions. People in all religions and all parts of the world, accept that love exists and they experience it, speak of it, teach it and even have it as a center of their most important values. I discovered the Oneness of all beings.  I found the answer to the ages-old question:  What is love?

So love.  Do I have any right to talk about it?  Do I have any right to hope that others might care what I have to say on the topic?  Who am I to speak on this topic of love?  What can I say that will have any impact to anyone who might be reading my blog?  I am FULL of insecurities about it.  I really am.  But then again...I am also very certain about love...certain about what I know of love and what it is (and what it isn't!)...confident.  I am not falsely modest or humble when I say I am full of insecurities about it, but also I am confident.  The reason that both of these are true at the same time is that Love IS a paradox.  Love is both happy and sad- good and bad- right and wrong- perfect and flawed.

Where My Journey Began (with Love)

My journey with love began- well at the beginning, of course.  Children are full of love.  But somewhere along the path we get tainted and then we must find our way BACK to love.  So my journey began in 2009 when I read a book that changed the direction of my life.  Now seriously... I had read a few life changing books leading up to this particular book...and those set the groundwork, making my mind a fertile place to grow new seeds of love.  For example, I had read the book "The Four Agreements", and that small but important book planted the seed of consciousness that later developed into a fully awakened person.  But the book that changed it all, was "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne.  

I recall that a very dear friend of mine, Jeanne Amadon, had been telling me for years to read the book.  I was resisting reading it then.  I think I KNEW it was going to be more then I could handle then...and I would have been entirely correct about that.  So fast forward many years down the line and I am heading to the gym with my friend Danielle Christy, and I hop into her car and nearly sit on this tiny book..."The Secret".  It is at this time, that I say out loud that I have been seriously thinking about reading this book. Just then, Danielle has to stop at  family member's house for something...causing me to be in her car with said book for just about an hour:  long enough to read 4 chapters.  Trust me, the first 4 chapters are really all you need of this very important information.

I hung onto that book...and I read it all.  I read it many times.  In fact, I read it and I accepted and believed it with all my heart.  I loved that book.  I found that the Secret of the universe is that we attract everything to us. This newfound understanding meant, that ALL the power to change was inside of me.  This information enlightened me, delighted me.  It restored HOPE to my very soul.  Anything I wanted, hoped for and needed was within my grasp at all times, and always had been!  I did not even know my own self!  What did I want?  What made me happy?  What did I want MORE of?  What would I hope to eliminate from my life?  How strong was my faith?

The book would lead me down other paths...paths that enlightened and elevated me spiritually and mentally on a variety of topics, such as yoga, meditation, kabbalah, earth sciences, environmentalism, and above all else...love.  My view of what love is, was altered and distorted by years of childhood abuse and neglect; the deaths of many important people in my life, the abandonment from key people in my life; the  cruelty committed against me by people who were jealous or hateful, but in whose web of deceit I had found myself entangled...and many other disempowering experiences in my life up to that point. 

I answered the question about what made me happy...and the answer was "Writing".  

When I asked myself what I wanted to write about...the answer was "Love".  

Well, maybe initially it was just about Spiritual things in general, and how to become more spiritually elevated.  But writing about THAT ended up bringing about an awakening which then began my writings on love.  So I began "The True Love Blog I and II". 

After many years of writing the blog, I had to stop writing the blog in order to pursue the ACTS of love.  But now I feel a calling once again to write about it. But what to write...where to begin?  

I'll tell a story.  I have so MANY stories.  And I think that by telling the stories, I can help others understand how I discovered the most real love of all.  I hope you will read on...

namaste~

Lilac

I LOVE MY CAT

 I love...

Gilmore Girls

Cats

Coffee

Cheesecake

Children

Good Music

This is my cat

These are other things that make me happy...Wildflowers and veggies:

 

I created a space that made me happy downstairs.  My husband recommended it.

Some other things I love