Good morning Wisdom Lovers!!!
Mercury is out of Retrograde and has gone Direct!
Shortly after the retrograde, we finally saw some election results. It looks like a change of "House Colors"- that is a little Harry Potter reference. But seriously, it looks like Joe Biden is unseating the administration of Donald Trump. Trump is making a scene and it is ugly. I do hate politics, but that is the report as I see it.
So November 2020 has been a MONTH to remember so far. Our Covid 19 numbers are beginning a FAST incline her in RI. It is TROUBLING to say the least. Schools should NOT have gone back in person- just my opinion.
Our Governor ( Gina Raimondo) criticized the Warwick Schools for not coming up with a plan in September to return to the school buildings. However, I feel that Warwick got it right. They decided to put a vote to whether we can afford to update the air quality systems before we send people to these antiquated learning environments during a Worldwide Health Pandemic that primarily affects the lungs. So now that it is September and hindsight is 20/20 on this issue, we are seeing other school departments throughout the state (Cranston as of today), going fully remote- changing the system halfway through the 1st semester. That is a nightmare for these teachers and the students and families too.
As for me and my house, we are sound as can be. I am on a leave of absence from my job. My husband is back to working his 1.5 jobs carefully and with regular COVID-19 testing (weekly by Brown University. Annika was attending RIC remotely and is still working 4 days a week at the bakery near our house. Staying within our smaller community has been one way we are doing our part to manage our risk of contracting COVID. Alex is home daily with schooling and sees his father every other weekend. His father, due to his work with the elderly, is also being cautious. They stay home most of the time.
This week, additionally to our usual things, Annika had all 4 of her Wisdom Teeth removed in a small outpatient surgery. Her recovery (3 days in now) has been slow owing to her partially impacted lower teeth and her TMJ. Today I am working by lamplight in the kitchen, as we have her sleeping in the Recliner in the living room.
Alex has moved his online schooling for today and tomorrow into his bedroom to give her more time to rest. I am proud of Annika for living by her convictions and refusing narcotics for pain. She refused to fill the Vicadin script, and is using OTC pain killers instead. She has had a lot of difficulty but feels good about her decision. She has concerns about the Opioide crisis affecting millions of Americans. It has hit so close to home for her that she prefers to stay very far from it.
Mercury going out of Retrograde, following the 2nd Full (New) moon in October 2020 which occurred (on HALLOWEEN!), has marked the change in tides for me. In addition to the global energy shift that it was, which I can feel but it is hard to explain it, I am also embarking on a new journey of my own. Although it would be hard to define this journey, I can tell you about how my perception of life has shifted while the global perspective has shifted.
For me personally, I am on my 4th week of being on Leave from my job as an Assistant Property Manager- a position I have only held for about 4 months prior to Leave. The time that this change has allowed me, I have used mainly to write about the journey my son and I have been on. This time has also allowed alot of wounds and traumas to come to the surface of my consciousness. There have been dreams, conversations with psychics, things I have read, intuitive knowings arising from the quietness of meditation, of which I have had much more time in. I guess that what I am describing is just revelations about myself that I have been able to recognize now that I am not so "Busy" all of the time.
Yesterday, Alex and I made Vision Boards. Mine is not glued down yet because I like to take days and days to review mine before I commit to it. For me, a Vision Board is a contract that I make with the universe. Once those ideas/pictures/words are glued down, I KNOW with certainty that I have spoken (This is the way). So I like my message to be crystal clear. But yesterday, while browsing magazines at Barnes and Nobles, and choosing which ones to buy, and then browsing at home and cutting and shaping and finding the right words....all of these hours spent, I had many realizations. These would be the culminations of previous ruminations and not "all at once" realizations. I want to CREATE something tangible with my own hands. I have never had that desire before.
I recognize this feeling of readiness as a sign from the universe that I CAN and SHOULD do it...do all of it.
Life is fleeting after all!
I believe that we come back eventually in a new form, but in this lifetime that we are currently experiencing, why not try the things that scare us or reach for the seemingly unattainable goal? On a deep level, I am just a dude sipping tea and watching the earthlings scramble about fretting over everything while I just know that all is well and good in the universe and there is nothing to fear. That is who I am at my most deepest and centralized person. I am that level of calm. But all of life's adaptations that I have dressed myself in, all the masks...all of the layers of responsibilities that I have adorned myself with...these cause the fears and anxieties to be the most prominent and on the surface. Fortunately, they are all just surface debris, which I can discard when ready. The question becomes, when will I be ready? The answer is "now". Can someone please shut off my brain so I can live with this answer?
Herein lies the real struggle:
How to live your ideals in a world that shuts down your ideals and dreams.
If you are asking that question as I am asking it, at least you can know that you are not the only one asking! Asking for help from your Spiritual Guides/Angels is a good first start. Looking into your own heart for answers to what you want on a deep level is another. But you must journey to depths that will hurt you in order to get your answer. I will use another Harry Potter reference to illustrate:
When Harry, in Goblet of Fire, needs to rescue his friends from the mermaids in the lake, he must fearlessly travel to the depths of the lake. He does not know what he will find there along with those he loves. There can be many dangers, and since we breathe air, the watery depths can be terrifying to navigate. But what choice does he have? He MUST take the journey...for the lives of those he loves depends upon it.
We must risk our lives to travel to our own depths and discover what is there. For some of us, I believe most of us- this will mean finding our inner child and asking him/her what it is she/he wants most. Ask that child what they knew once...what they hid away from their conscious knowing, but what they knew as a child. What was it? Whatever that thing is could very well be the answer. But there will be many barriers in the shape of painful memories, the urge to deny your inner child in order to satisfy the desires of the "real world", the pressures of society to "fit in". What will you choose?
I have been taking this dive into my own watery depths. What I am finding is that I hold a lot of judgement upon myself- judgement for not being better, doing better, accomplishing more. I am very intelligent, why did I not push myself for higher educational goals? Why did I get so wrapped up in other people's issues and let it hold me back for years and years? Why did I not acknowledge and face the pain in my childhood sooner so I could set myself free of it? So...MANY..."Why's". So few answers. Why did I adamantly refuse to grieve, recover, move forward... Why did I stay stuck? Why was I addicted to chaos, drama, control and being controlled? I see so much negativity in my past. I WANT TO CUT LOOSE FROM IT.
What I have learned, as I have been making this journey of self-realization since around 2008/2009 to now, is that I want to help others get there too. I want to teach people what I know, and see them get results too. I HAVE gotten results aplenty. I just cannot see it because I keep "Thinking" about what I feel I have NOT done correctly. I keep staring deeply into the lint inside the cavity of my belly button... and that is all I see! I see only the tiny piece that is less than perfect instead of the entire cosmos of beauty and success that my life ACTUALLY is. Shame on me for being so self-deprecating. What a waste of the LIGHT that is there. Time to stop "wasting light" as it were. Time to get started on a brighter future.
It is hard to break patterns and to escape stale mindsets. But since I now can see that I have in the past done this, repeatedly and successfully, I can teach others how to do it. This is my purpose. To live a life that I am proud of, that keeps asking me to go deeper and learn more and be better- and to teach others to do this also. That seemed easy.
Now there is work to do. Who's coming with me?
~Namaste
Lilac
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