Hello! My blog, GlamSimple, is just my inner voice echoed out into the world through the glamorous yet simple being that comes from inside of me.
It is January 2021, and the first week of the year has been eventful on the world stage because this month we are ushering in a change in the White House. I hope things calm down soon...I am going to predict it will by the end of January...just not sure how much damage will occur between now and then. Those of us who need to remain at peace in our inner world because "that is the way", are holding it down here. Swallow hard and focus on what we are trying to create for the world at large and those in our inner circles- including our own selves!
I have always felt that I had a purpose in life. Since I was VERY young, and as early as I can remember, I have always been sure of it. I don't know if this is something that everyone feels or if it is unique to me and a few others. I hope some of my readers will weigh in on this question.
2021 brings about a reflection of 2020. The year dragged on and yet I can still hear the echoes of the voices from January 2020- those of the spirit-leaders that I listen to and the words of caution they preached with certainty. Then to see it evolve on the world stage...well it didn't surprise me much. But I am not the prophet, I am only reflecting on the year, and here is what I experienced:
From January to March 2020, first quarter: I was the Property Manager of Avery Heights in Groton CT- literally next door to Pfizer Corp, who would become famous by year's end for developing the Covid-19 vaccine that will be administered to the area residents, including me and my family. In this role, I worked at least 40 hours per week. Because we had just bought a house but Annika was not yet done at WWHS, I commuted the children to school each morning, leaving my house around 6:15am. The trip to work including dropping them off took me 90 minutes. The children commuted home by City Bus in the afternoons which took them an hour. My drive home at night took me an hour as well. We were ALL quite miserable with such a busy schedule. My office in Groton was like a 2nd home to me- My staff, like family. I enjoyed the lunches we had together and bonding with my wonderful residents. It was a glorious year of growth for me there.
From March to May 2020: Mid-March, the schools in CT and RI closed suddenly. A week later, I was sent home with my desktop computer, my checkscanner, and ALL of my work items basically. I began to manage my community in Groton CT from my Dining room in Warwick RI. The kids were remote-schooling and Jamie was on paid leave from work. We assumed this would continue on for a few weeks, but those few weeks turned into a few months. We spent the Spring planting, working outdoors on our yard/land. Jamie accomplished a LOT of things that we did not dream would be done so quickly. Money was stable. I continued to feel squeezed breathless by my responsibilities for my community, attempting to help the children with school, trying to help them with the mental health concerns that arose when High School Graduation was ruined, Senior year (for Annika) was ruined, College for Annika was ruined. Although not my direct concerns, they weighed on me heavily. My family was struggling....a lot.
May to September 2020: I made a change in early May, and relinquished my responsibilities over the Groton CT community. I hated having the problems of that community in my Dining Room day after day and night after night while trying to slow the simmer of the pot of stress that my family was coping with. I decided a position with less responsibility would be best. Also if it were closer to home, I would be happier. Paying taxes to work in another state and commuting 2 hours a day was starting to make less sense given the state of things during the pandemic. It was a period for me to reflect on what was not working and make corrections. I took a job and spent the summer adapting to my new surroundings.
October to December 2020: The period of the most growth for me and for my family was the period where I accepted help, dug in my heals and decided that it was time to live my ideals...not just preach them. After battling my pride about potentially losing my job, I made the decision to take a paid leave of absence which I was entitled to by law due to Covid. My ten weeks of paid leave was mid-October to last week of December. This allowed me to spend the holidays and first/second quarter of the school year supporting the children and my husband FROM home, no other "work" to focus on. It reduced my stress tremendously. During this period, my daughter left college, having decided that she could not learn well in a remote schooling environment. I provided transportation to and from her work for her (along with my husband who kindly took the early morning drives). I became proctor for my son's days of remote-schooling which run from 8:00am to approximately 1:00pm Monday through Friday. As the time for my "return to work" approached, Covid-19 was rampant, schools were making no decisions to go back in person and my son had just lost 3-weeks in quarantine at his father's house, making schooling for those 3 weeks impossibly difficult. I refused to go back to the job I had and it's subsequent stressors given the state of things. I resigned as of the end of 2020.
In January 2021, as the year started, I learned that the state was able to provide unemployment money for me while I continued to stay home with the family and support them from here. I see this as a gift horse, as they say...and I feel that I will continue to be eligible for this financial support and I do not feel guilty for it. I sacrificed a lot for my family in the beginning of the year, and also all throughout 2019 as I struggled in my work environment then- the stress of it even putting me into the hospital for 3 weeks. I do not feel guilty, no shame whatsoever. I have been offered the chance to catch my breath...re-direct my intentions, recreate myself if I wish!
My family- though they may not say it directly most of the time, benefit from my availability. A friend of mine shared a Facebook post that really inspired my thinking on this. It was basically a reminder that there was a time in our not that distant history in America, where one parent stayed at home to manage the family and the other worked and brought in money. Also, the money brought in by one working member of the family (at this point in history of course), was enough money to support a middle class lifestyle. What I take away from that is that we in the middle class are KILLING OURSELVES to maintain a lifestyle that keeps up with the other middle class families that we know. The cost of this is our home lives, our families and our peace of mind.
I do strongly support people dividing the duties: one work while the other manage the home, or any version of this. I also strongly support both working. There are many variations and I do not judge any of them.
As for me, the experiences I have been having have been driving me toward the desire to be in business for myself, so that I can have the flexibility I need and feel a sense of purpose in what I am doing. Also, I have the desire to work OUT in the community...where even if it were only a part-time position, I am still engaged in professional growth somehow.
With this in mind, I have been looking for part-time work that will allow me to be available to drive the kids where they need to go or to help with school or just to be there while they are struggling. I want to be there to clean and cook and support their formation of their thinking about things as they arise. I want to be the influence that they are engaging with. I think I am the one that is most qualified to do this for them...more so then anyone else in their world at this time. Remaining on unemployment while the pandemic rages on seems to be the key to accomplishing that, as it both provides for my family and also allows me time to gain momentum toward whatever it is that I truly want to create (rather than bogging me down in things I do not wish to be doing).
Today I have an interview with a company that is fairly new in the RI Property Management scene. I actually previously managed one of their properties when it was owned by another company...and now it is under new management, expanding to 2 other locations and growing an entire staff. I am interviewing for a part-time position, who's hours- UP UNTIL ABOUT 3 DAYS AGO, were perfect perfect perfect for me...and now...I am not even a little excited about it because of the changes in Alex's school schedule that are set to start tomorrow.
I don't think that ANYONE understands how I am feeling...not anyone honestly. People can try, but they do not actually get it. I am very certain that all people experience this feeling of, "I am alone in this". And from what I gather, that's ok!
This was my year in recap- where I go from here remains to be seen and written. More on this to come.
~Namaste
Lilac
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