Mom's Sauce

 I don't call it Gravy.

To me, Gravy is frivolity.  As in, "it's all just gravy"...

My Mom's sauce on the other hand, is legendary. It's why countless men have fallen in love with her (also her amazing looks have helped).  But when Mom made sauce, it was one of those truly selfless acts that inspired you to follow her into battle.

For most of my adult life, I have been afraid to try and be like her.  For years I absolutely REFUSED to make pancakes.  So many missed opportunities!  All that "emotional baggage" I was carrying.  My mother, you see, was an amazing cook.  Well- I assume she still is, but we don't eat at her house- we eat at my house!

Mom made the fluffiest softest pancakes in the world, so I never dared to try and be like her.  This was a point of contention in my first marriage!  He wanted me to make pancakes and I adamantly refused.  I NEVER made her sauce but once while he and I were together.

But now that I have my own house, a desire to establish traditions...especially those centered around food, has become a passion of mine.  I guess it's the homesteading thing?  I mean, if you are wanting to return to the old ways, more from the land and less from the store, you would resort to those ways of people from generations past.

I enjoy reguiling my family with stories of how my Papa, an old Italian with a love of wine, would dig a hole and bake a big pot of beans in it in the backyard.  He would shoot a rabbit, prepare it in the sauce or stew...sometimes instead of a rabbit it might be a pheasant.  This was how I was raised.  I learned to hunt and shoot at around age 5. I was always at the fishing hole.  Most of what we ate was fish or rabbit or chicken from the nearby farm.  It was not until my later teen years that mom even shopped from the regular grocery store- back then it was Almacs.  They had Green Stamps!

We got our eggs from the farm down the lane, and we grew our own vegetables, herbs and fruit.  That was the way it was done.

At school I would eat school food...I enjoyed the diversity.  Mom also baked a LOT.  She enjoys her sweets.  My mother, unlike me, is thin as a rail...always has been.  However, she eats like a lumberjack!  It's surprisingly cute.  She loves gamey meats like venison and hearty fresh water fish like Trout.  I literally hate ALL OF THAT.  I will not eat Venison, I despise most fish for dinner unless it is baked scrod or fried up with a thick batter (Fish and Chips).

Mom's sweets were always a treat though.  On our birthdays, we would get a double chocolate cake from scratch and beautifully frosted.  Simple.  No frills.  No flowery decorations- just a delicious cake, lovingly made.  Mom also made cream puffs at Easter.  I hated those but everyone else really loved them.  It's funny how I despised so much of the food...yet have such fond memories of it nonetheless.  I made myself puke once when I was around 14 years old because I hated what mom had made for supper and was still hungry after the meal was done.  My sisters and I were responsible for the evening dishes you see...and mom had made stuffed mushrooms (delicious), the only part of the meal I had enjoyed.  The greasy remaining bits of stuffing sat on the cookie sheet and I kept nibbling at it while I cleaned up...this turned my stomach and I puked for hours that night.  Now I cannot eat stuffed mushrooms anymore and actually enjoy them.  The mushy texture of mushrooms still to this day turns me off.

Mom made fruited desserts in the summer with the berries we harvested and the fresh fruit pies from the apples and pears and plums we grew.  Those were amazing.  The extra was converted into jams, jellies and preserves...another project I utterly despised as a kid but wished I had more patience for now. You see, back then I was more interested in sitting in the trees and writing or dreaming up stories.  I would read or write for hours.  I also was very interested in music, popular music on the radio but also playing various musical instruments.  Eventually, musical instruments would envelope my full attention from ages 11 to around 25 years old...after which I became a mother myself and lost much interest in those solitary activities.

On Christmas, Mom and Dad would host HUGE parties.  In fact, Christmas, Memorial Day, Labor Day and Halloween were HUGE affairs for many many years.  My parents had a large "2nd" living room in one of our homes.  Mom would paint every wall for each seasonal theme.  On Christmas, all four walls would be a mural of trees and snowmen.  On Halloween, spooky trees and werewolves with witches.  For the Memorial Days and Labor Days, it was always an outdoor event with a live Pig that we would raise for several months and then it would become the central character for the Pig Roast.  Many of you have thought that my love of Soy Bacon is weird...this is where it comes from.

When I became an adult, I formed poor eating habits as a result of my dislike of the childhood food memories.  I snacked excessively on processed food...a sort of rebellion I suppose.

Later, in my thirties, I went to vegetarianism and raw dieting.  That lasted about 6 years, with a break of about a year while I was pregnant with Lex.  That boy sent me into a hamburger eating spiral around my 2nd trimester.  It took a while to break that habit! By the time I met Jamie, and we were making a go of it...I knew I did not want to be preparing two sets of meals for the rest of my life, so I reverted back to eating meat.

Making Mom's Sauce is a tradition now.  It should be done more often than it is...but I don't always have the time to commit to it.  It was more practical to spend a day cooking and baking back when we lived way out in the country and would be snowed-in for days.  But life just isn't that way anymore.  So I make her sauce when I can...and we all love it.  

The experience of making Mom's sauce, starts early in the day.  Personally...I like to use the opportunity to clean out my refrigerator while pulling every possible usable ingredient from within it.  I assemble all the items along with my freshly wiped down cooking surface and clean wooden cutting board.  Today I broke in my new Dutch Oven pot that I love...today it was a Sauce Pot.  

After preparing the sauce, I let Alex add the sugar.  His reward is a platter of cheese, pepperoni and honey wheat bread for a treat. Thanks Mom for inspiring this wonderful tradition!

I make her proud.  That is MY legacy.

~Namaste

Lilac

photos of today's cooking:

amc

1-6-21

End of 2020 Update

 It seems a good integer to provide an update of 2020 as we approach January 2021.  This past year started off as a normal(ish) year- the first quarter anyway.  But as that first quarter drew to a close, the United States was affected by Covid-19.  I remember it being around my husband's birthday mid-March that the kids were sent home from school and our jobs closed.  I was sent home to perform my Property Manager's duties from home and in another state.  My husband's lab was closed until mid-summer.  By May, I moved to a new company in Rhode Island and worked on the site.  This was working out great until late August when it became apparent that my 12-year old son's school was not opening in-person but rather would have the kids schooling remotely from home.  This was a level of autonomy for which my son was not capable of achieving, and put me in a pickle with my new workplace.

Meanwhile, my daughter had no senior year of high school, a remote "graduation ceremony" and then was about to start college online.  She despised every minute of it and I empathize.  What a year for her.  By December, she had decided to postpone freshman year for a time when she can go to the school in person. She continued to work at her job for approximately 28 hours a week and is saving her money for a better time to use it.

I was in the position where I needed to make a change with my son's education on the line.  I found out from my employer that I was eligible for a government program called FFRA (Families First Relief Act).  I decided I would take advantage of the opportunity and so took a leave of absence from work to stay home with Alex and lead his schooling.  I received an incredible amount of support in doing this from all parties involved.  The school, my son, the two dads, the therapist, my family and friends- all did what they could do be a part of improving the situation, even if only as cheerleaders and emotional support.  Alex did prosper with assistance.  

Unfortunately, as Thanksgiving approached here in Rhode Island, the Covid-19 numbers began to spike.  More and more cases of Covid-positives were published.  More of our friends fell sick.  Some died.  It was awful.  In addition to Covid-19, other illnesses common to people were prevalent, for example our aunt had a heart attack on Thanksgiving day.  So many people dealing with so much.  My children's dad tested positive for Covid-19 although he was asymptomatic.  This resulted in my son and his father being in quarantined for three weeks which was the most awful experience for me.  We hosted Aunt Jean's granddaughter during that time for one week, allowing her to have a visit with her grandmother who's health has been rocky these past few months.  On 12/23/2020 my son was finally able to return home.  Christmas felt like a blur...as if all of the pressures and stresses of the past few months just landed on me.  I have been feeling ill for about a week now and not sure what the source.

So where does this leave us all?

Jamie seems happy at his work.  He has friends and hobbies and a pretty decent life.  He has a large garage, auto projects and pretty much anything he wants.  Annika works a part time job and has a nice space to enjoy her creative hobbies with.  She doesn't have a social life because of the shutdown of group activities and school, but she manages to keep herself busy.  Alex enjoys his downtime to play video games online with friends and chat with them while exploring their Minecraft worlds and such.  I have been spending more time in my Home Studio, attempting to refine the space.  It always feels that the needs of may family keep me from getting to it. Also, my FFRA benefits ended at Christmas.  My job wanted me to come back on 12/28/2020 but not only does my son continue to need me, the three weeks of Covd Quarantine have set him back SO FAR, that upon his arrival home, school was coming to a close and would pick up again while I would be back in my high stress job.  So it was a no-go.

I applied for unemployment benefits and began applying to new jobs...hopeful that I will find one where I can have flexibility or work second shift.  Anything that offers me some wiggle room would help.  The holidays have been a blur.  So I do apply to Property Manager opportunities as well as other office jobs.  I also apply for teaching and childcare and elder-care as well as Part-time retail jobs.  Honestly, ideally...I should stay home and collect until school is back to normal.  At least we can pay our mortgage!  I am sure that some people out there are struggling too much to do that.

All in all, it is hard to follow the Covid standards but we do what we can.  With 2021 on the horizon, the best thing we can hope for is that by this time next year we will be back to roaming the malls and going to concerts in crowded stadiums, hosting parties and visiting family without masks.  But for now...it's still time to keep those plans on hold until a future time when it is safer and encouraged by the CDC.  In other news- a new president comes on in two weeks and that is a regime change.  I am eager to see what that brings.  Mid-January will see Annika back to work, Alex back to school and Jamie back to his work following their annual closures.  As for me...the future is yet to be written.

~Namaste

Lilac

Re-emergence of purpose

Having Purpose is one thing.  Finding Purpose is another.  But becoming broken and then rebuilding yourself all over again, sometimes more than one time.  That is powerful.

Why does this make me think of Dr Strange and Dormamu? 

At some point, your soul just tells you what you need to do and whether it benefits your current existence or threatens it, you just know what you must do.

Sometimes you open a doorway that you did not know what it would lead to.  Sometimes the doorway is open so that you can find your way forward through the open door.  Other times, it is to allow another to come in to your side of the doorway.  Which one applies to you as you re-emerge from the broken?

Re-emergence of purpose means that you have had a purposeful existence before and will again...but that right now you have gone into what I like to call "Hermit-mode".  The hermit pauses his life and goes on a journey (outwardly or inwardly) to examine his choices and where life has landed him. The hermit has experienced some things in life- some pain and suffering and also some heartbreak.  The hermit has not quit.  But he must re-invent himself.  Today I learn from the hermit on his journey.

For those who know me, you may understand that the Hermit is a Tarot Card from the major Arcana of the Tarot deck.  His meaning resembles that which I have mentioned above.  So when I say that I am learning from the Hermit, I am saying that this is the phase of life that I feel I am in and for the reasons listed above.  All stages of life are represented in the Tarot and all are temporary. The importance of the Tarot in our lives will only match one's instinct that more information or guidance are needed. The Tarot are one method for communing with our Spirit's Guides in this lifetime.  Whether we accept it or not, we are being watched over and guided and there is a destiny path.

I have recently had the opportunity to feel the power of the Tarot through the eyes of a fresh newcomer who has no experience with it.  The opportunity to see the understanding come through with each moment of understanding, each thoughtful question...has been like my own rebirth.  I am convinced (where once I felt lost), that I am useful and what I have to offer has value. I just could not see it because those around me on a regular basis are not a clear reflection of my being.  That is ok!  There is nothing to be critical of in that statement...just the knowledge that I am somewhat alone on this journey...but never actually alone.  I realized others need to hear these messages.  I am determined more than ever to share them.

Thank you to this Angel, this light-worker who helped me to re-emerge in my faith.

I am so thankful.  Bless Goddess, and all the beings of light.

~Namaste

Lilac

NOVEMBER 2020- Mercury Direct

 Good morning Wisdom Lovers!!!

 Mercury is out of Retrograde and has gone Direct!

 Shortly after the retrograde, we finally saw some election results.  It looks like a change of "House Colors"- that is a little Harry Potter reference.  But seriously, it looks like Joe Biden is unseating the administration of Donald Trump.  Trump is making a scene and it is ugly.  I do hate politics, but that is the report as I see it.

So November 2020 has been a MONTH to remember so far.  Our Covid 19 numbers are beginning a FAST incline her in RI.  It is TROUBLING to say the least.  Schools should NOT have gone back in person- just my opinion.  

Our Governor ( Gina Raimondo) criticized the Warwick Schools for not coming up with a plan in September to return to the school buildings.  However, I feel that Warwick got it right.  They decided to put a vote to whether we can afford to update the air quality systems before we send people to these antiquated learning environments during a Worldwide Health Pandemic that primarily affects the lungs.  So now that it is September and hindsight is 20/20 on this issue, we are seeing other school departments throughout the state (Cranston as of today), going fully remote- changing the system halfway through the 1st semester.  That is a nightmare for these teachers and the students and families too.

As for me and my house, we are sound as can be.  I am on a leave of absence from my job.  My husband is back to working his 1.5 jobs carefully and with regular COVID-19 testing (weekly by Brown University. Annika was attending RIC remotely and is still working 4 days a week at the bakery near our house.  Staying within our smaller community has been one way we are doing our part to manage our risk of contracting COVID.  Alex is home daily with schooling and sees his father every other weekend.  His father, due to his work with the elderly, is also being cautious.  They stay home most of the time.

This week, additionally to our usual things, Annika had all 4 of her Wisdom Teeth removed in a small outpatient surgery.  Her recovery (3 days in now) has been slow owing to her partially impacted lower teeth and her TMJ.  Today I am working by lamplight in the kitchen, as we have her sleeping in the Recliner in the living room.  

Alex has moved his online schooling for today and tomorrow into his bedroom to give her more time to rest.  I am proud of Annika for living by her convictions and refusing narcotics for pain.  She refused to fill the Vicadin script, and is using OTC pain killers instead.  She has had a lot of difficulty but feels good about her decision.  She has concerns about the Opioide crisis affecting millions of Americans.  It has hit so close to home for her that she prefers to stay very far from it.

Mercury going out of Retrograde, following the 2nd Full (New) moon in October 2020 which occurred (on HALLOWEEN!), has marked the change in tides for me.  In addition to the global energy shift that it was, which I can feel but it is hard to explain it, I am also embarking on a new journey of my own.  Although it would be hard to define this journey, I can tell you about how my perception of life has shifted while the global perspective has shifted.

For me personally, I am on my 4th week of being on Leave from my job as an Assistant Property Manager- a position I have only held for about 4 months prior to Leave. The time that this change has allowed me, I have used mainly to write about the journey my son and I have been on.  This time has also allowed alot of wounds and traumas to come to the surface of my consciousness.  There have been dreams, conversations with psychics, things I have read, intuitive knowings arising from the quietness of meditation, of which I have had much more time in.  I guess that what I am describing is just revelations about myself that I have been able to recognize now that I am not so "Busy" all of the time.

Yesterday, Alex and I made Vision Boards.  Mine is not glued down yet because I like to take days and days to review mine before I commit to it.  For me, a Vision Board is a contract that I make with the universe.  Once those ideas/pictures/words are glued down, I KNOW with certainty that I have spoken (This is the way).  So I like my message to be crystal clear.  But yesterday, while browsing magazines at Barnes and Nobles, and choosing which ones to buy, and then browsing at home and cutting and shaping and finding the right words....all of these hours spent, I had many realizations.  These would be the culminations of previous ruminations and not "all at once" realizations.  I want to CREATE something tangible with my own hands.  I have never had that desire before.

I recognize this feeling of readiness as a sign from the universe that I CAN and SHOULD do it...do all of it.  

Life is fleeting after all!  

I believe that we come back eventually in a new form, but in this lifetime that we are currently experiencing, why not try the things that scare us or reach for the seemingly unattainable goal?  On a deep level, I am just a dude sipping tea and watching the earthlings scramble about fretting over everything while I just know that all is well and good in the universe and there is nothing to fear.  That is who I am at my most deepest and centralized person.  I am that level of calm.  But all of life's adaptations that I have dressed myself in, all the masks...all of the layers of responsibilities that I have adorned myself with...these cause the fears and anxieties to be the most prominent and on the surface.  Fortunately, they are all just surface debris, which I can discard when ready.  The question becomes, when will I be ready?  The answer is "now".  Can someone please shut off my brain so I can live with this answer?

Herein lies the real struggle: 

How to live your ideals in a world that shuts down your ideals and dreams.

If you are asking that question as I am asking it, at least you can know that you are not the only one asking!  Asking for help from your Spiritual Guides/Angels is a good first start.  Looking into your own heart for answers to what you want on a deep level is another.  But you must journey to depths that will hurt you in order to get your answer.  I will use another Harry Potter reference to illustrate:

When Harry, in Goblet of Fire, needs to rescue his friends from the mermaids in the lake, he must fearlessly travel to the depths of the lake.  He does not know what he will find there along with those he loves.  There can be many dangers, and since we breathe air, the watery depths can be terrifying to navigate.  But what choice does he have?  He MUST take the journey...for the lives of those he loves depends upon it.

We must risk our lives to travel to our own depths and discover what is there.  For some of us, I believe most of us- this will mean finding our inner child and asking him/her what it is she/he wants most.  Ask that child what they knew once...what they hid away from their conscious knowing, but what they knew as a child.  What was it?  Whatever that thing is could very well be the answer.  But there will be many barriers in the shape of painful memories, the urge to deny your inner child in order to satisfy the desires of the "real world", the pressures of society to "fit in".  What will you choose?

I have been taking this dive into my own watery depths.  What I am finding is that I hold a lot of judgement upon myself- judgement for not being better, doing better, accomplishing more.  I am very intelligent, why did I not push myself for higher educational goals?  Why did I get so wrapped up in other people's issues and let it hold me back for years and years?  Why did I not acknowledge and face the pain in my childhood sooner so I could set myself free of it?  So...MANY..."Why's".  So few answers.  Why did I adamantly refuse to grieve, recover, move forward...  Why did I stay stuck?  Why was I addicted to chaos, drama, control and being controlled?  I see so much negativity in my past.  I WANT TO CUT LOOSE FROM IT.  

What I have learned, as I have been making this journey of self-realization since around 2008/2009 to now, is that I want to help others get there too.  I want to teach people what I know, and see them get results too.  I HAVE gotten results aplenty.  I just cannot see it because I keep "Thinking" about what I feel I have NOT done correctly.  I keep staring deeply into the lint inside the cavity of my belly button... and that is all I see!  I see only the tiny piece that is less than perfect instead of the entire cosmos of beauty and success that my life ACTUALLY is.  Shame on me for being so self-deprecating.  What a waste of the LIGHT that is there.  Time to stop "wasting light" as it were.  Time to get started on a brighter future.

It is hard to break patterns and to escape stale mindsets.  But since I now can see that I have in the past done this, repeatedly and successfully, I can teach others how to do it.  This is my purpose.  To live a life that I am proud of, that keeps asking me to go deeper and learn more and be better- and to teach others to do this also.  That seemed easy.

Now there is work to do.  Who's coming with me?

~Namaste

Lilac

Leo November Tarot Reading

TAROT READING

LEO

NOVEMBER 2020

Hi everyone! 

I am going to try something new. 

Oh yes- I am a Leo and a fixed sign energy, I am.  And yet, here I go trying NEW THINGS in a big way!

Video blogging (Vlogging), is not the only way to share a great Tarot/Divination message with you all, so I am going to try just blogging it!

This idea is arising out of necessity, since I find myself having a bit of time where I can channel, but no opportunity to get in front of a camera and not a lot of privacy.  However, channeling and then documenting it is something I can do even with limited privacy!  You see, for the next few months, I am focusing on my son’s Home-Schooling.  It is another NEW ADVENTURE!

So for each of the 12 SIGNS of the Zodiac, I will create a written version of your Sign’s Reading for the month.

~Namaste

AngelMarie

This will be an ellipse spread:

PAST: Five Swords (Reversed)

In the past, you had no way to win- in fact, no one would win if they got into words with you Leo!  Maybe you were hot tempered, argumentative...or maybe you just had no desire to fight at all.  But one thing is for sure:  Even if you win, you would lose. You lost friends, you lost family.  You lost respect for people and maybe even they for you!  It’s a good thing that is in the past!

NOW: Two Wands

Unlike those more audacious years of life when things were a struggle and a battle, you and someone special have managed to find a way to stabilize things.  Nowadays, the troubles do seem to be more upon other people’s shores...and yet you are longing for something (not exactly satisfied with what you have created).  Although you have navigated away from the battles of yesteryear, you have arrived at what could be seen as a deadening silence!  Wouldn’t an adventure be great right about now?

FUTURE: Two Cups

Fortune is smiling upon that desire you are holding deep within your heart- the one that urges you to see that like minded people are near and possibly LOVE too!  Traditionally, the Two Cups are a sign of finding one’s counterpart in another.  We know that sometimes it is love and sometimes it can also be companionship of any type.  But it is coming towards you.  Maybe it is a reward to you for holding everyone else together for so long!

WHAT TO DO: Death

No message could be any clearer Leo.  If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make the change!  Yes.  Yes I did in fact steal the lyrics from “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson, but how can you blame me?  It’s just too perfect...besides it what the guides gave me.  Music speaks to us of a universal understanding, as does Tarot.  The cards are saying that you must END or KILL or DIE to one thing so that you can have something new.

EXTERNAL INFLUENCES: Nine Cups 

A feeling that one is satisfied and that all you have been given, has been a blessing upon you!  Sometimes however, we get very easily comfortable with what we have and we stop asking ourselves what we truly want or desire.  Are we living toward that thing or that dream?  Or are we just protecting what we have already acquired?

HOPES AND DREAMS: Seven Cups (reversed)

A lot of progress was made on certain dreams...yet the dreams have been unfulfilling.  They did not produce as you thought or dreamed they would...why is that?  There was always potential.  Many times, different avenues of life were shown to you and many times you passed by without taking your chance at them.  Were they jobs?  Friendships?  Romances?  Money opportunities?  What about a chance to travel or impact the lives of other people in some way?  What stopped you?  Whatever stopped you is showing up in this position of the reading as a distraction.  If you want something else, you will need to go back to the Death card.  You are destined to repeat this pattern until you break it.

FINAL OUTCOME: The Hierophant (reversed)

Ah the Hierophant.  Major Arcana showing up as your final outcome, but it is reversed.  Not a bad thing- this just shows that you are getting ready to make a very non-traditional way of life for yourself.  What does that mean to you?  Are you leaving something that is “secure”?  Are you changing your beliefs?  Your Church?  Your hair?  Are you changing your gender identity?  Ending a long relationship?  What are you turning upside down?  One thing is certain...maybe not today or next month...but changes are destined to impact your life and you must take control of the situation.  Make these changes go how you desire.

Channeled reading

10/27/2020

Stories about Love: Episode 6

I took a walk through the cemetery today and around our property...to take in the warmth of a Fall day in New England and to smell the leaves that are crisply drying underfoot. The subtle breeze was a reminder that it is Fall but here in RI, it can still be very very warm at this time of year.  WE always dress in layers because you just never really know what the weather might be.  Living close to the bay, you also get more wind and fog than other areas of the state.  But today...today was just perfection.

My dog is getting older and his weak joints need a stretch.  His sniffer needs adventure and of course, he needs to relieve his bladder and all that.  He sniffs curiously against each tree we pass and lingers there.  There is a story of other dogs and people who have been here.  He pees on all of them to make sure he tells them that this is his turf after all- he lives in that house over yonder.

It's Mid-day and the sun is almost directly overhead.  We retire to our front porch after our slow, lazy stroll through the cemetery nearby.  Cloud lies down and I recline in my Adirondack chair, catching a few rays that peak between the massive branches above me.

We listen to the flow of the traffic nearby...living on a busy avenue means that we see many travelers pass through.  

The air is sweet with warmth and a soft ocean smell.  Alex is inside still working on a school project while Annika is online doing her weekly Therapy appointment.  I appreciate these moments to reconnect with nature.  Loving Nature and allowing Nature to love you back can really, truly inspire you!

 For example, our Hibiscus that was a gift to Annika upon her High School Graduation...it has two new FULL blooms!  Why?  It's late October already.  Why ask why?  Why not just accept what is?

Aside from the smells and the temperature and the breeze, there are colors everywhere to inspire us.  The trees at this time of year are so magical to admire!

Aside from the colors, there is the pattern upon the ground that falling leaves create...like Nature makes it's own canvas and just sprinkles art all over it.  My walkway is a source of inspiration for me...especially with leaves scattered amuck:

Falling in Love with Nature can HEAL YOU

Some people love to listen to rain or watch snow- or observe birds.  Other people are more tactile in their love of nature, choosing to walk barefoot over grass or through sand- or surfing waves.  Some people enjoy growing their own food so that when they partake of their food, they feel the connection to their land and also the fact that they grew and created this!  YOU are nature too...Loving yourself is loving nature.

I listen to PodCasts by Sadghuru, and other Yogi's and Taoists.  One I was listening to yesterday was amazing me because it was about restoring the Yin-Yang balance in each of our internal organs by loving our bodies as much as we love "What we do".  

In other words, you are a human being, not a human doing...despite the clear and obvious fact that our culture is WAY too obsessed with fast-paced, multitasking and money-making activities.  

I am repeating what they said...but believe me...I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree.

The very thought of how crucial each bodily function actually is in the wellness process, really got me thinking about our relationship with nature.  We need to be like the plants.  We need to exist not to force any outcome.  According to the podcast from yesterday....we need to achieve "flow".  Nature is all about flow.

What can we learn about Love by being more connected to nature?

1.     Just BE.

2.    DO less

3.    Seasons change

4.    Everything is as it should be

5.    It all has value

6.    It's all connected

7.  Take only what you need from it (discard the rest)

8.    flow

~Namaste

Lilac

Stories about Love: Episode 5

 

IF

You love

a child

(like I do)

Then this Episode of Stories on Love

will resonate.

Love for a child is so powerful...

It can make you crazy, or it can heal you.  Sometimes both in the same 30 minute span of time.

I have two pieces to this "Mom Heart".  One is called ALEX and the other is called ANI.  

Try as I might, I cannot ever disconnect my attachments as they are.  If you who are reading this are a parent then you too will understand the love that exists.  The question is, how do you explain it in words?  This Blog entry may end up being more poetry than prose.

Alex and Ani made me a Mother- well...ok, the first child makes you a mother.  The second and any that follow just give you more opportunities to practice what you have learned from the first.  But being a Parent or a Parental Figure in a child's life is so meaningful to the person they will become.  It is a piece of the development.  You know:  Nature and Nurture?  Some parents offer both, while others (like in the case of adoptive parents and absent parents), offer one but not the other.

For the sake of this article, I am speaking of ALL persons that influence the raising of a young person to be an adult.  This includes any type of guardian or step-parent or Foster Parent or even Mentors and Teachers.  

So in these instances, LOVE = BOND

In the case of how this kind of love affects us the person WE are is based on the BOND that we create with a mostly helpless undeveloped fellow human that depends on us.  This teaches us what WE are made of.

I definitely did not know myself before I had kids.  The first one came and it was mostly fun- I had a lot of help.  My daughter came into a house full of people that doted on her and adored her.  Her two sisters, their husbands (at the time maybe boyfriends, but they are still in our lives now), her father and many other family members.  Everyone adored her and she was the center of attention almost all of the time.

I relinquished many things to the decisions of my stepdaughters or Annika's dad.  I happily added my part and I thought everything was good...and it was...except that it wasn't.  I wasn't actually teaching my daughter any values, because I wasn't really in touch with what I valued.

By the time my second child came into the world, I was beginning to open up to what it meant to be a truly spiritual person.  I began slowly over the first few years of his life, to explore these places in my heart and mind and and to make changes.  Those changes took hold and I went in a very new direction.  My son's early childhood life was MUCH different from my daughter's.  He still had the adoring sisters and his father but he had a mother in a great deal of personal turmoil and painful transformation.  He eventually had a new stepdad.  So now TWO dads, who have completely different value systems from one another.

But nothing is impossible with LOVE because LOVE is basically MAGIC!

My children save me from hating myself.  I know that could be seen as a heavy burden...but it is a two-way street.  They give me value as a mother (not as a human...I had to find that separately).  I take the love I learned from this bond of mother and child, and I GIVE it to everyone I meet!

I become everyone's mother.  Because being a Mother was the FIRST time I really grasped what LOVE was.  No one bonded with me like that when I was a kid.  I don't know for sure what the early years of my life were like but those shadows will likely never have their chance in the sun.  Meaning I will never know.  And I have accepted this.

But my children WILL know...in fact, they are the reason I do all of this writing.  Someday, these stories will be my Legacy for them.  They WILL know themselves.  They WILL have ALL of the answers.  This is my version of love.  And I learned it from my children.

~Namaste

Lilac